A Scene from the novel...

He approached me with a calmness, a subtleness, a seriousness that I had never recognized in him before. He was quite still, quite quiet, quite calm. I watched him approach with that steady, determined step. He had something to say. His movements were fluid as he bowed, as was the custom, took my hand, and pressed his lips to it. His eyes never left mine. They watched me. Not he, his eyes, penetrating and dark underneath the heavy brows, above that solid, set nose. His lips pulled away from my hand and he straightened. He stared. I saw in him that pain, that loneliness, that understanding that I saw in no one else and I knew then that I loved him.
He spoke.
"I know that you have watched me. I have also watched you. I have seen the toll that this has taken on you." He gestured to the throne room of the castle. "I know that it isn't the easiest thing to handle. That is why I have struggled long and hard over when to tell you..." His voice drifted and he looked away.
"Tell me what?" I asked.
"To tell you that...well...I adore you. I see you and think of sunshine. You are the light of my life and I can see myself with no one but you."
I had seen this coming, yet I was speechless. I knew, in the depths of my soul that there was something in him reaching out for that similar something in me. I knew that we could be, would be. Yet I chose to be shocked. I responded.
"Why do you choose to tell me this now?"
"Because I can bear silence no longer." He said quietly. "I have admired you from the first moment we spoke. I have carried it in silence all this time. My soul cries out for you everyday and I ignore the call. I can do it no longer." His face fell to the floor. He did not see the hidden affection in my eyes. I lifted his face with my hand.
"I wondered why you took so long." I said softly.
His face lit up like the sun breaking out of a gloomy fog. I knew that that single phrase meant more to him than anything else, and I could feel my heart breaking with happiness. He looked as if he did not know what to do next. I was of royal blood, he did not want to touch me without permission, so I embraced his as warmly as I could. I could almost feel the relief radiating from his person, the joy, the excitement. I realized that no man had ever cared that much before.

This is how it should have happened. Instead, it went something like this.

I approached him with terror. I could feel my hands shaking, my body unwilling to go where I willed it to go. I saw him standing by the oak tree in the garden, surveying the land. I was anything but calm, anything but still. He turned and saw me, and smiled warmly. My stomach fluttered and I knew in my heart that I loved him.
"Ileana." He greeted me with a bow. "How nice to see you well again."
"Yes, I feel much better." I said, struggling to smile.
"What's wrong?" He asked, concern flashing across his face.
"I've just been thinking a great deal lately."
"About?"
"About many things. About love..." I said cautiously.
He flinched.
"I have tried to keep this to myself, but I can do it no longer. I want you to know that you are the only person I have ever felt this strongly for. I want you to know that I have taken a risk by telling you....by admitting..." I said, searching for words, "that I love you."
He seemed surprised, though I knew that he had known all along. I was shocked at myself. I had never done that before. It didn't think it was that difficult anymore. Little did I know, the difficult part was about to come.
"I am very flattered by your affection, Ileana." He said, looking away. "And I would like to tell you that I feel the same...but I simply can't." He eyed me with sympathy. "I don't feel for you the way you feel for me. I'm sorry."
The world was dark. The smile was torn from my face, my confidence crushed, my happiness squandered. He did not feel as I did. Yet, I had been so sure! There were signs, smiles and laughter and the way he looked at me. I had thought that these were all signs of love. How could i have been wrong!
"It's fine.."I muttered. "I'm fine." I told him this without him asking because his eyes were guilty. I ran from him, from what once was my happiness, what once was the world.

That is how it really happened.

Question..

How dare the question mark--
be braver than love.
How dare it assume power
over a moment.

How can it prevail
while his intentions were so clear?
No question mark has ever come between love
No answer ever witheld.

How dare the question mark--
be braver than love.
Yet, how dare love--
prove coward
to a question.